"I Don't Know What To Say"

4 Things to Say and Do to Comfort a Person at the End of Their Life

Death is the second leading fear worldwide. There are so many people who do not visit family or friends when they are nearing the end of life simply because they don't want to say the wrong things. Of course, nobody wants to upset a person when they are ill or nearing end of life. 

You won't upset them. By visiting and sharing time, you are giving your heart, soul, and kindness. You need to put yourself in their shoes. Just imagine you've had a terminal diagnosis. The feelings and emotions you have to deal with are gut-wrenching. You are scared. You have anxiety and can feel anger, bitterness, loneliness, and depression among so many other things.

Keep in mind your company is what they need most. Show you care. No one nearing the end of life wants to feel alone or unwanted. Give a little more even if it's to drop a few groceries off once a week and to be an ear or shoulder. Make a difference. Below are a few things you can say or do that may be comforting now.

1. "I Love You". We think they already know this. They may, but hearing this again is comforting. It is connecting the two of you. It bridges the connection of affection you share. Some people haven't been comfortable using those three words at any point in their life let alone now. Just because you were raised to feel uncomfortable using them frequently, doesn't mean you shouldn't. Saying I love you to family and friends fills your soul with a warm and caring feeling. Speak to their heart now, this is a time when they need it the most, more so than any time in their whole lives. 

2. "What can I do for you". Sometimes it the answer is nothing. They have everything they need or don't want to put you out. Offer. Look around. Don't just think they don't need anything from you because most likely, they won't ask. If they do have others to help, most times it will be for you to just sit and spend a little time. Find ways to open the lines of communication between the two of you. Uncomfortable topics may come to the service. They may need to talk more than ever now and have no one they can comfortably confide in. Let that be you. 

3. Compliment, give reassurance. People near the end of life want to feel like in some small way, they mattered. They want to know that their life had significance. They want to review their accomplishments and air out all past regrets. They may need a sounding board but they will also need someone to confirm their validity in the world. Some people believe that only if you are a Mother Theresa or Martin Luther King that you can leave an imprint on the generations after you. Not so, every single one of us will leave our own mark on the world and have made a difference no matter how big or small. Extend this assurance, it will make all the difference in the world. 

4. Be Truthful with your words. "We will be okay," is reassuring. The open and honest discussion now does wonders for anyone leaving their loved ones behind. "You will not feel pain," Most likely, you'll have brought hospice in and that is their goal. You will feel no pain. People are afraid of pain and don't want to think they will die in pain. More assurance. And then, "You will not be alone." Assure you are there, the family is there and their friends will be there. A person facing the end of life thinks about how scary it will be to die alone. 

There are so many things we can all do to help. Be mindful. Be proactive let them know you are there for them and you won't let go. 

Most of all, be a good listener, share your spirituality if you can and just be. You will know where, when and how you will be needed most.